• Delna Avari

Are you trying to live by someone else’s ‘Frame of Reference’?

Updated: Jun 24, 2021


We often hear of clarity and focus being the starting point of achieving anything in life. We have so many examples out there of 3-steps or 7-steps or 100-steps(!) to immeasurable wealth and success. And yet, the gap between those who have and those who don’t keeps expanding. If it is so simple to do, then why doesn’t everyone? Is the solution the very problem? I have had the opportunity to lead various teams of Gen X & Gen Y across functional profiles and geographies. In my new avatar, I have mentored and coached several young entrepreneurs and aspiring corporate leaders. And the more I worked with you, the more I realised that many of you are grappling with a similar challenge – a challenge of too many voices in your head.


Every generation has those few who break away from the norm. People who choose to live life on their own terms. I have often lamented that choosing my own path at such an early age was a lonely and often misunderstood feeling for me. But now I believe I was far better off! At least when I started to walk my own path, I didn’t have to take the well-meaning advice of other’s walking their own path! It has become a self-fulfilling prophecy and in the bargain, a confused & exhausted person is who I have repeatedly encountered.


You cannot live your life based on another’s frame of reference. Just as your DNA is unique, your path is unique too. And trust me, only you can decide it. Else you will blow as the wind blows on Facebook & LinkedIn.


There was very little in my immediate surrounding that supported the lofty goals I set for myself at age 9. I had access to some good books, strong dinner table conversation on corporate & society politics and parents who supported my constant questions with logical answers. I wasn’t born into a rich family but even then I was clear I would dominate the business world. It wasn’t clear how or what dominate would translate to but from there started a life-long focus on taking the necessary steps, learning as I went along and killing the noise. Thankfully, by the time the noise reached a crescendo as it has for this generation, I was already an expert at deciphering the good intention from the b*llsh*t.


There is a lot of good material out there, some amazing frameworks to organize your goals & focus on end results. But I really do believe that before you start making that roadmap; you figure out for yourself what matters to you. I would urge you to get better at listening to your own voice. There is a method to it and for your own success; you need to learn to kill the noise!


(This post first appeared as a LinkedIn post on 20 Mar 2017)

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